Words so many words
As I was thinking about what I wanted to post for this weeks blog. I came across some old poems I wrote back in my old emo days haha! Some of them are a bit unfinished, and some of them well are. I hope you enjoy them, it was definitely fun to look back on sad Haley days. Let me know which one was your favorite down in the comments!! Have a great day :)
P.S. Scroll down for some old Haley emo Pictures
` July 20 it happened one minute you not even In my thoughts and then there you are but this time it's in a whole new light , I just assumed they were talking about somebody else, like I said you hadn't crossed my mind. But you were dead, it was too painful to processes at that moment, I shouldn't have felt this way. I shouldn't have let it get to me, but at one time you meant the world to me.. I loved you, I shouldn't have, I know I shouldn't have.. They said you killed yourself. I didn't go to your funeral, I was to scared, I didn't want to see the fragile and broken person who killed himself. You're gone now and their is nothing I can do, I just wish I could go back and tell how much I really loved you.
Do we ever worry that our faults will give us away, like if we could somehow hide all of our imperfections put them away, hide them somehow. Would we be better off? It always seems better to hide things and act like they not there, would it makes our walk thru life a little easier, or not? Or would it somehow just catch up with us later in life, pop out at the worst time, and show it's self in all of it's ugliness. Could we face it right on, or hide like a scared little child in hopes that mommy would somehow make it all better.
"From the day I met him I knew their was something magical about him, the Way he could hold a room with his smile. The way his blue eyes healed mine,even if I was to shy to meet them. I feel in love with him all to quickly but it was rather hard not to. I was always worried he could see my thoughts, I thought that maybe he could see how much I hated myself. I use to hate myself when I wasn't around him, though the hate that I had for myself seemed to disappear when ever he was near. And then all to quickly it came back when ever he was gone.
If they knew if they only knew, you were the reason I use to hate myself.
The reason I use to hurt myself to let some of the pain go.
The many reason's I would cry myself to sleep at night.
The reason I had a hard time loving myself.
The reason I would of let anybody in just to feel something within.
As I wiped away the water from the mirror I realized the person who was doing all of this to me, was in fact me.
I was the monster.
(Thought of the day)
It happened...
I let you in, I let you see the saddest parts of me. I shouldn't have, but can't you see it must of been the way you smiled at me. It was the beautiful kind that touched your eyes , so now you see why I couldn't breath as you got closer and closer to me. You grabbed my hand and kissed my lips, I breathed you in, as you pulled me close. I lost my words I wanted to say, but then you pulled me on top of you. And we made love, even to the saddest parts.. But now your gone, cause it was all a dream.. But I know you there, even if it was only in the saddest parts of me.
I cried today at the sound of your name. Cause it brought back to many feelings, feelings I didn't want to remember. It broke my heart though cause I once loved you, I know I did. I remember seeing myself in your eyes the last time we spoke, it scared me because it wasn't me i saw, it was this monster whom I've never met before. I saw the hate in this monster, I never once hated you, I think you knew that, i think that's why it took you so long to believe it was me. You thought I wouldn't hurt you.. But I did, but you have to believe it was the monster. It wasn't me, I loved you, remember?
i've been in my mind at least a thousand times.
I think of you, but I thought of him.
I'm in my head help me get out.
I over think and I over think, till the words start spilling out. I wanted her, she never cared. His love is amazing. I hated myself for far to long. I'm spinning and spinning help me out. He's got my heart and that's all that should matter. I wish I could make sense of these words that are spilling out. But once again I'm brought back here. Oh please help me out of here.
P.S. Scroll down for some old Haley emo Pictures
` July 20 it happened one minute you not even In my thoughts and then there you are but this time it's in a whole new light , I just assumed they were talking about somebody else, like I said you hadn't crossed my mind. But you were dead, it was too painful to processes at that moment, I shouldn't have felt this way. I shouldn't have let it get to me, but at one time you meant the world to me.. I loved you, I shouldn't have, I know I shouldn't have.. They said you killed yourself. I didn't go to your funeral, I was to scared, I didn't want to see the fragile and broken person who killed himself. You're gone now and their is nothing I can do, I just wish I could go back and tell how much I really loved you.
Do we ever worry that our faults will give us away, like if we could somehow hide all of our imperfections put them away, hide them somehow. Would we be better off? It always seems better to hide things and act like they not there, would it makes our walk thru life a little easier, or not? Or would it somehow just catch up with us later in life, pop out at the worst time, and show it's self in all of it's ugliness. Could we face it right on, or hide like a scared little child in hopes that mommy would somehow make it all better.
"From the day I met him I knew their was something magical about him, the Way he could hold a room with his smile. The way his blue eyes healed mine,even if I was to shy to meet them. I feel in love with him all to quickly but it was rather hard not to. I was always worried he could see my thoughts, I thought that maybe he could see how much I hated myself. I use to hate myself when I wasn't around him, though the hate that I had for myself seemed to disappear when ever he was near. And then all to quickly it came back when ever he was gone.
If they knew if they only knew, you were the reason I use to hate myself.
The reason I use to hurt myself to let some of the pain go.
The many reason's I would cry myself to sleep at night.
The reason I had a hard time loving myself.
The reason I would of let anybody in just to feel something within.
As I wiped away the water from the mirror I realized the person who was doing all of this to me, was in fact me.
I was the monster.
(Thought of the day)
It happened...
I let you in, I let you see the saddest parts of me. I shouldn't have, but can't you see it must of been the way you smiled at me. It was the beautiful kind that touched your eyes , so now you see why I couldn't breath as you got closer and closer to me. You grabbed my hand and kissed my lips, I breathed you in, as you pulled me close. I lost my words I wanted to say, but then you pulled me on top of you. And we made love, even to the saddest parts.. But now your gone, cause it was all a dream.. But I know you there, even if it was only in the saddest parts of me.
I cried today at the sound of your name. Cause it brought back to many feelings, feelings I didn't want to remember. It broke my heart though cause I once loved you, I know I did. I remember seeing myself in your eyes the last time we spoke, it scared me because it wasn't me i saw, it was this monster whom I've never met before. I saw the hate in this monster, I never once hated you, I think you knew that, i think that's why it took you so long to believe it was me. You thought I wouldn't hurt you.. But I did, but you have to believe it was the monster. It wasn't me, I loved you, remember?
i've been in my mind at least a thousand times.
I think of you, but I thought of him.
I'm in my head help me get out.
I over think and I over think, till the words start spilling out. I wanted her, she never cared. His love is amazing. I hated myself for far to long. I'm spinning and spinning help me out. He's got my heart and that's all that should matter. I wish I could make sense of these words that are spilling out. But once again I'm brought back here. Oh please help me out of here.
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